• The clerk in a shoe store was trying hard to persuade his customer that a pair of uncomfortable shoes fit her. "I'm telling you, these shoes are too pointed and too narrow," argued the customer. "But, madam," replied the salesman, "everyone is wearing narrow, pointed shoes this season." "That may be," countered the customer, "but I'm still wearing my last season's feet."
  
• A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was touring her new territory. She came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen. Intrigued, she knocked on the door. "Anybody home?" A child's voice answered, "Yep." "Is your father there?" "Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in." "Well, is your mother there?" "Nope, Ma left just before I got here." "Are you ever together as a family?" "Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!"
  
• "We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive." - C.S. Lewis
  
• After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. Knowing she was not that technically astute, I called her a few days later to see how she was managing. "Fine. I listened to Shania Twain this morning," she said. "The whole CD?" I asked. "No," she replied, "just one side."
  
• A young couple moved into the house next to the church parsonage. A few days later, the pastor’s wife called the pastor into the kitchen. She was peering out the window. “Look at our neighbor hanging the wash out on the line. That laundry is still dirty! She must be a newlywed who doesn’t know how to wash clothes properly. Maybe she’s not using enough laundry soap.” The pastor urged his wife not to say anything, but the next week, sure enough the neighbor’s dirty laundry hung on the line again. One morning she looked out the window and exclaimed, “Look! She finally got the clothes clean! I wonder who helped her?” The pastor smiled and said, “Honey, no one helped her. I just got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!”